At the moment

I am terribly missing this lil girl - she makes me feel happy all the time! Chels, any chance you could send her my way?? She can play with me ALL day every day!!

Don't wanna miss this!

How have I managed to miss the amazingness of this commercial?! It may have been that it was much too early to be up and about on a Saturday but I laughed forever! I love it - didn't matter how many times I watched...I was still splitting a gut. Hope you enjoy-oh I know you'll enjoy!

Best field trip YET!!

It's true, I'd rather be laying out - poolside, sipping soda and listening to some Akon or along those same lines. But seeing as duh it's frigid cold out that's out of the question. I can't wait to have this cast off and have it be summer! Best thing to look forward to...well I lie. Walking is the best thing I'm looking forward to. Oh but back to the point. Since I can't have that I'll take the next best thing. An outing! Not just an outing but a sleepover! I left the house in my pj's and have a new scenery to take in at my friends house! It's so great to be somewhere other than my house. And I LOVE it!

Off to watch another chick flick and down some Coke! No wallowing here tonight! I'm not messing around, gotta take full advantage of being out.

Grab a coke and take a sit, because I just did

I went to 3 quilt stores in 3 days. Do you know what that means?! It means I got out of the house! I of course went to the Dr but that isn't an adventure that is doom! So of course I buried myself in my bed and didn't want to come out and my mum insisted I go for a drive. I did and you know what? I had fun! We even went to Costco. Umm not as fun as last time...but I still got to drive around and eat samples! So hello of course it was amazing! Every time we manage to go out I actually never get out of the car. {with the exception of Costco well because I would do anything to drive the lil cart around.} Each day I get in the car with my ice cold coke with lime and just enjoy the view. Every time I think, "Why is it I didn't bring a book/magazine/suduko?" Instead I sit for 20-30 minutes while mum shops around. Yet I am completely content with doing just that. Until one doesn't have it you forget the simple things you take for granted.

It just reminded me of a field trip I took I'd guess in the 2nd grade. We walked to Albertson's. Doesn't that sound incredible? Well at that time it was, and that is comparable to how I feel when I get to go out. It's just nice to go somewhere new. And we even got cookies from the bakery on that field trip. Umm simple and fun! That's how these adventures are for me today. Simple yet fun! So do something today that is just that! Unless you are doomed to a hectic schedule and than I don't pity you because I've been there and done that. And don't see myself going back to that. Instead these days I watch tv like it's my job. Should I be concerned? NAH it's normal, right?

a memory remembered, a truth told

How beautiful is this? It is a picture of a field of mustard seed. I was introduced to the vibrant fields of yellow on a visit to Canada back in 2006. It was so spectacular to see - and it went forever...as far as the eye could see. It was than that I didn't miss the mountains and realized flat was good. Flat could be beautiful! Cliche to say but 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'

I had such a wonderful experience this last week. Another truth that the Lord is aware and that He does know each of us. My dad spoke in church this last week about the love of God. And what a beautiful way with words my father has. I walked away happy that the concept was refreshed in my memory. There is one thing that will always be there, The Love of God. It's consistent - it's ever lasting - and it runs so deep...and I've come to realize in the last several months that if I have simplicity it's easier to recognize the daily proof of His hand. And as I thought about this I remembered the mustard field, and it made me happy.

The Right Attitude

I have a feeling it's that time again...for an attitude adjustment. My tantrums and meltdowns are more frequent as of late so I decided to read. I've always been able to retain things I read if I write them down. So you get to take in some of the learned wisdom as well today. This is an excerpt from my collection...this was recorded in 1975...and here we are decades later and it still is teaching! It's just that good! It's a lengthy story but don't let that stop you.

The great overland bus came to a stop. I looked out of the window to see the fringe of a small town. On the other side of the highway, pastureland stretched in many rolling acres. Suddenly I turned from that peaceful scene to see the reason for our stop. One lone passenger entered. The young man, hesitating a bit, looked shyly around. Noting the vacant place beside me, he asked haltingly, "Do you mind if I sit here?"

"Not at all," I answered, "I like company when I travel. Do sit down."

He removed his cap and slid into the seat. After a moment he inquired, "Going far, lady?"
"Only as far as Fort Worth, that is my home," I replied. "We will be there in a little less than an hour."
"Think of that," he said with a seeming air of relief. "I've been hoping I'd run into someone from there. Don't know much about the place; I grew up on a ranch far out beyond where I boarded the bus. I'm on my way to Fort Worth, but I don't know how to find the school once I am there."

"What school is that? Maybe I can help you," I said.
"It's that real big school; college, I guess you'd call it." Then he went on gravely, "You see, I'm just out of the army, and I'll get to start school. Servicemen can go, you know, and Uncle Sam pays for it."
"You'll be a student at Texas Christian University?" I asked.
"Oh, I don't know just where they'll send me, but I'm all excited over having the chance to go at all. You see I didn't have much schoolin' as I grew up. But before I get started anywhere I have to go to the Forth Worth School, an' take what they call an 'attitude' test. After I take it, they will know where to send me."
"Poor dear," I mused, "he means aptitude, but I can't embarrass him by explaining."
After a short silence he asked enthusiastically, "Ain't it wonderful what they are doing for us guys--sending us to school?"
"Well," I suggested, "the government feels that you did a lot for your country; it is the least the country can do for you."
"Maybe," he drawled, "but what's fighting a few battles amount to if a fellow can get educated? I'm getting the big end of the deal, lady. I've made up my mind to study real hard. I don't want Uncle Sam's money throwed away on me."
Later we stood in the Fort Worth bus station. In his shirt pocket was the slip of paper that was to give him his "attitude" test. With a strong calloused hand he gripped mine, "Thanks a million, ma'am. I feel like I am already on my way to be gettin' that schoolin'. Ain't it wonderful?" As I settled myself and my bags in a taxi, I began to review in my mind the gratitude and enthusiasm displayed by the prospective student. "Why," I thought, "he has the priceless ingredient for success--a right attitude." Perhaps he had used the correct word, after all.

 [ Victor L. Brown 'Eternal Priorities' adapted from A.B. Wells, Sunshine Magazine, September 1963]

Pretty in pink!

So I did NOT want to get up today! It has been such a long week and I did so much yesterday that I just wanted to stay in bed. However if there was one thing I'd be willing to get up for it would be for a new cast! So off to the doctors - and the whole way there I was explaining to my mum that I was so excited and I was getting scared to have that stinky walking boot and pretty much wanting her to agree with me that I know what's best...umm truth be told - I don't!
                  {Not the point though.}

So I arrive to the docs and we're chattin it up and discussing what's next in the process and than he drops the news that I didn't want to hear...dun dun dun. "Ready for the boot?" UMM NO! I wanted to escape and threw a bit of a tantrum. Well it was worth it because after discussing the pros and cons of going into the boot he finally said, "Okay, what color do you want?" I was elated!  So now I have a pretty pink cast! So much better than a dumb boot that's meant for walking that I wouldn't even be allowed to walk in. So of course the right decision was made. And now I want to eat a donut! If only I had one...oh brother!

{In the mean time...I'll go party with the Barbies! Which by the way have pink casts as well!}

let me tell you

My friend always will listen to me, will take naps with me, laugh at me, tell me when I say something dumb,  come up with gay raps from those dumb things, go places with me, and best of all - he makes me feel loved without ever asking it of him!

This is Lance...have you met him? If not you should get right on that. No but really he's a nice addition to the Anderson household this last year. Pretty much he's new competition in the 'Dad's favorite' {of the single status that is} category...fyi I think I'm losing!

Watching Lance play Bop-it Extreme 2...he was wiggling his hips and really into it! It got a genuine laugh out of me so it's most definitely blog worthy.  Thus the post. He's makes up for the lack of brothers in my life at the moment. But I don't see them moving to Colorado anytime soon...so Lance will do.

Also great news! I get my cast off tomorrow...only to get another one on! But I'm proud to say I lasted an entire week without getting this one wet!

And the Nuggets won! And I spent the afternoon watching curling. Anyone else into that?? I find it really fun to watch and the men's US has a fine looking bunch of boys so maybe take a gander...just sayin ;)

An end to a long day...

I absolutely LOVE hot chocolate...especially this kind!

I ventured out today for more than just the typical dr's appt...I am so grateful I survived. I'm sure it was a combination of company and my hearts desire but either way I enjoyed church SO much! I've missed it. So after an exhausting but exciting day I'm feeling calm and relaxed and sippin on the aforementioned. 

Find the part that's leading you...I know I have!

A friend put me in possession of a stethoscope before my surgery...I never knew how much his sweet note would stay with me through this. But it has...and as I sit here with a lil anxiety and much on my mind I just need to recognize my heartbeat; and REMEMBER!

"When things seem scary, or out of control, take out the stethoscope and listen to your heart beat. When you do, you'll remember who created that heart and how much He loves you. I know He sends His angels to be with us in our hours of affliction, seen or unseen, every beat of that heart they will be by your bedside watching over you."

"Can't you even IMAGINE you're in the depths of despair?"

For those that love Lucy Maud Montgomery than I'm sure you recognize where the title for my post came from...Anne had questioned Marilla. At times I ask myself what it would feel like, to despair. But Marilla comes up with the best response. "No I cannot. To despair is to turn your back on God." Well it's as simple as that. I trust my prayers are heard and my hearts desires are known...I don't walk this recovery alone. The best knowledge I have! Love to all!

I haven't had a really good nights sleep in so long...I can't even remember when that was. It's been just under a year since I began my physical therapy. I love my physical therapist because he opened my life up to an option I really had deemed off limits. I never once considered surgery as an option yet oddly enough I always knew the day would come. I just didn't know when...and after years of pain I finally knew it was a decision that would change my life. And oh how it has! I've begun to see the ways it is changing my life...and although I still battle pain it's different than any I've ever known before. I classify it as a good hurt. Because it's the road to recovery...it hurts. I hate it and I will at times wallow in my own self pity and cry for hours into the late hours of the night but I wouldn't ever take this decision back EVER! I think about the things I did want a year ago and where I wanted to be. Yeah I still want those things but I'm glad they got put on hold.

So here I am tonight...and my week has been not so wonderful...I hate the medicine but at times I feel it's my only escape. Even if just for a few hours. While waiting for the medicine to kick in I find myself reading. Several years back I began compiling a binder full of articles and talks I'd print up. So on the nights like tonight I open that up and read one. Tonight I chose one that I love for several reasons and I'd like to share just a small portion of it.

"As experiences accumulate in our lives, they add strength and support to each other. Just as the building blocks of our homes support the rest of the structure, so too do our personal life experiences become building blocks for our testimonies and add to our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ."

 full aritcle here

I'm off to cry for a bit...afterall Anne says that "Tears don't hurt like the ache does." I believe it and practice it!

{colorado summer sunrise! LOVE it! Thought I'd share it with you!} 

Don't mind me

So Tawna! I love you...and I wish you were here to celebrate with me.

Alright onto more pressing matters of my mind...I have always had this knack for if things are feeling like they are out of control or uncomfortable for me I bake/cook. Well it's SO hard to get around these days and the kitchen is the last place I should be. I can't believe that I have taken a handful of things for granted! It makes me human I know but still although much easier this time around I continue to fool myself into thinking I can do more than able. I forget that something as simple as well-actually anything that I have to get out of bed for {so everything but sleep!} is hard. However it isn't so bad once I realize sleeping helps pass the time...and sleep helps your body heal. Literally...did you know that!? I think it is so cool that our bodies know how to put us on the mend. I am beginning to feel like being alone is normal. I have trouble talking to others because I am socially inept! My Dr not my foot dr but my gen dr is so nice I love her and she met with me shortly after my last surgery. She told me texting and facebook is not a means of communication for one in my situation. It tricks my brain into thinking that I'm actually social but in reality I'm in my own world. I start to ignore and begin to lose patience and get bored quickly while others are over. So I began to notice that happening as of late. It is frustrating because I am a social person I love talking with people. It's a LOVE! But at the moment I have no enjoyment from that or anything else for that matter. I enjoy playing suduko in bed while listening to my ipod on shuffle. So now that I really have let you in more than the norm for me I figure what's it going to hurt. I'm grateful that I have individuals in my life that acknowledge me and love me and genuinely show interest. Whether I know it or not I feel it! PS how does one feel about St George, UT...they have an In n out so it can't be that bad right? Just throwin it out there!

it's been one of those days...

This should do the trick!

Let's play what if with Ellen and Ali!

OH I can't get enough of it! Listen to this scenario that Ellen helps play out for Ali...

cast survival 101 or lack thereof

Yeah so that whole soggy cast thing leading to fear of cleanliness - it's back. It's 3 am and well let's just say I just don't think I'm meant to have a good cast experience this time around. I think I've set a record for amount of casts in least amount of time! I loathe this extra appendage. {in case you haven't noticed that is 3 casts in 7 days} All I want is a relaxing shower but karma is not on my side. What'd I do? Maybe it's my Dr and I'm the round about way of making his life hell...it's his karma. Well gosh now it all makes sense. I'm sure he'll love my deduction of reasoning tomorrow when he asks what happened this time.

And have you ever heard of trench foot? Yeah pretty much if I don't address this issue that's what I can get...let's just say it's nasty, gross, and I could lose a foot! Eek! I'd take getting yelled at by my Doc than that any day...but he's too nice to yell. So he'd just shake his head and slap his palm to his face. If I come up missing the next few days it's because I'm curled up in a ball crying because I just can't win.

{consider yourself warned}

Have I mentioned before that I am grateful for my surgeries? I'm sure I haven't because it's hard to admit that. But guess what? I secretly am. And in more than just the 'pain free' objective grateful sort of way.

Life is hard...life is what you make...life is fragile... and I'll be the first to admit it's easy to get caught up in the hooplah of dramatic events in my life. However I never have looked back on something and thought "wish I'd taken something of greater value from that." However I've been worried that if I'm not careful with how I spend my time as of late I may just look back on my year with that thought of wishing I'd taken more.

My surgery was a necessity; but to what extent? Having been in pain for 15 years - roughly 75 percent of my life time I had deemed it as 'life' and 'normalcy'. I am grateful for my whim to get back on a longboard that ultimately put me where I am today. And for the faith I've been blessed with to know that the end result, no matter what it may be is for my best.

anyone for an update?

I have a new cast on...and I'm now afraid to shower...this could present a problem.

But on a non hygiene related note it's Valentines day and someone loves me...and I love that they know me so well!

I'd rather have soggy cereal

So I was hoping for a nice night of rest, planning on it and looking forward to it. I was ready to get settled and chose a shower over bed so as to have more energy come Saturday. Perhaps not the best idea seeing as I now have a soggy cast :( how in the world?! Seriously, no idea. Well obviously I do, it got wet-plain and simple. But now my cast is wet and my foot is cold and I'm worried about my incisions. Cross your fingers...hopefully there is a quick and painless way around this. Until than, like I said fingers crossed! 

sleepless in seattle?

Come join me in Colorado.

It's been one of those days

What the heck it's been one of those months. I'm at my two week post surgery state of mind. I'm beginning to get irritable, lonely, hungry, and bored!

The highlight of my week - going to the Dr and getting my stitches out and a hard cast on. I was really looking forward to this for several reasons. One being I feel more safe in the hard cast, because I know that no matter what - if I don't do anything stupid ie kicking/pulling said cast off I am insured safety from harms way. Also the stitches were tight and pulling so to have them removed I figured would help bring me back into a zen state of mind.

Yeah, didn't exactly go that way. You see my Dr knows me, he has learned my ways. Therefore my cast is different than those in the past. Not going to go into detail but really he wanted to make it 'stephanie-proof' I kid you not I really thought he had succeeded. But I have a feeling give me a few more days with this nuisance and I'll have it cracked. So my skin is so dry and this cast is itchy and uncomfortable! I have been tossing and turning in bed for several hours now. But ah ha! What the tuna! I found the solution - and now I'm curious to know why I didn't ask Santa for this lil' gem this last Christmas. Either way my chopstick will have to suffice for now. I'm looking forward to the day it comes off...only to be replaced by yet another one. Oh lovely.

my downfall

I have had no appetite at all since a week prior to surgery...I just don't do enough to actually work up one. But wow I wanted to eat today and instead I opted for hot cocoa...umm it's a weakness, I knew I shouldn't have. However I am now sick-lesson learned. I'm a weakling, wanna know why? I only worked my way through 1/3 of the mug :( oh brother. What's a girl to do?? Not the slightest but for now what do you think of this song! I'm still undecided, so far I like the beat and duh He's put out loads of good music since my grade school days. Nuggets play tonight and Melo is coming back - we'll see...they sure like to tease me.  

a true love in my days

Oh I love ELLEN! I pretty much watch it every day. Do you guys watch any show that much?? Ha ha I can't get enough of her dancing and her games and her monologues...you get the picture. Anyways she had the Jersey Shore peeps on today...do you guys watch that? I've never seen an episode but they sure do make appearances on a lot of shows so I've become familiar with them. Well here is a clip of them playing one of my fave Ellen games. 'Know or Go' Enjoy!

{trust me it's worth it}

Why of course...

I was floored when the Nuggies swooped into LA and took that game. Utter shock pretty much. So I was only hoping they could get to UT and take that one as well. I mean first it's the Jazz. Sorry that's just how I feel. But when GK has boys starting that hardly ever have any game time in the season you know you should be worried. And was was Andersen all dressed down for? I mean esp for an away game - I'm sure you have some fans in the crowd. Either way it was a devestating first half and well pretty much up until the 4th I wasn't too hopeful. But thank you for at least showing up for the last 15. Made it interesting. Warm Regards...a fan 4ev!

Now that I'm off that lil box of humdrum onto more pressing matters.

Should I be concerned if my poor toe is bein left out? What I mean is - you guys I can't feel one of five. That ain't so bad is it? I mean it did just take part in a pretty serious surgery...I guess I'll just wait and see.

Also my arm took a few nicely gauged needles whilst in hospital mode. Well my muscle to be more exact...umm it still hurts, it's kind of the burn you get when you've been lifting and you want to go for that 'swolled up' look. Yeah I'm not lookin that way yet it sure does feel overused. Next time maybe they can just leave me on the IV instead of having a blonde moment and realizing oops took her off too soon. Yup so what happens in that scenario you may ask? Known as an IM or intramuscular. Yeah so it leaves the muscle grumpy when hello I already had a nice bandaged hand with a catheter in place...

Pretty much I think Strawberry Splash can relate to how I've felt the last few well I've stopped keeping track but let's just say it's been a while...I think I'll come out better than she did however ;)

how the heck?

srsly I was concerned...I really was thinkin I'd lost all hope for the Nuggies doing well tonight...considering their game on Wed was not pretty. (the shame!) Anyways the won! 126-113 It was beautiful.  Can they do it again tomorrow night? I sure as heck hope they whoop the Jazz.       

sleepless nights

Ugh these sleepless nights may just be the death of me! I can't seem to get on a regular sleep schedule with these surgeries. The drugs certainly have their effects but really all I really want is one night of sleep. Speaking of wants...

Oh goodness you don't even want to know! Ha ha Spice Girls is on the playlist tonight and I'm not sure how to feel about it. Thoughts? I have had the la la la las, wantchous and wannabes playing through my mind ALL night. It pushed me to look up some of their videos. Where do they find these boys they feature in them? Seriously so not pretty to look.

So anyways in bigger news I just want to say that my stiches are itchy and driving me crazy! My doc says seeing as I could get my hard cast off last surgery he wants to hold off on putting me in one. SO that means I'm all guazed up and wrapped and it really isn't all that lovely.

Also why is that boys are so great to have in ones life yet get too many at one time and it can be a lil hard to juggle...keepin my eyes on the one I really want though and fingers crossed - hopefully all will work out in the end.

The real stuff

I so badly want to just be able to shut my eyes and fall into a peaceful slumber...in my dreams! With the drugs I'm on {oh bless those drugs} it either knocks me to the ground and I'm down for the count or I miss that one moment and I am up far too long into the night. I find that those nights are when I play sudoku. It is something that passes the time and I feel like it keeps my brain functioning so I don't just lose it all while on bedrest. I keep some melodic instrumental music jammin in the background and there we have it-a night in the bed of Stephanie Mae. Love it! Would you?? Hmmph I gathered as much...I am going to set a goal of reading through the end of The Lovely Bones than onto a new one. I also met a boy, a new one that is. Possiblities seem endless but I'm just banking on him not bailing on me this week. Ha ha anyways now that I feel as though I shared a lil more than I normally do I say blaim it on the mama. She simply sugested I write more 'real' or what have you. No pressure right? But there we have it-the mama obviously nudged in the right spot at the right moment because it worked.

Happy Thursday!!

sudokued out

I ventured out of my room today. That is a huge feat seeing as I'm not suppossed to ;) Wanna know what I got out of bed for?? To watch last nights episode of The Bachelor. Umm yes I know that it is waste of time and it is unrealistic but please the biggest waste of time for me is sitting is bed all day every day so I thought it couldn't hurt my chances of being productive. I sacrificed a few hours of playing sudoku to watch brain numbing television. AND I loved every minute of it~but I just took some more pain meds so it's off to bed for me. Oh and Happy Groundhog day {lameness at is fullest} and here is a video for you to enjoy!


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