nineteen ninety two

There was one year in my life that I had an experience I'll never forget. I don't remember the silly details just the feelings I had that day.

I always tell myself I must've been in first grade...my visual memory tells me so and for that it must be so. I had a wonderful teacher with whom I loved and I enjoyed my schoolmates. I also loved being able to attend school with two of my older siblings. We lived just a few miles from our elementary school and we'd ride the bus to school with all the neighborhood kids.

Onto the event and the moment I'll keep with me for always.

My brother walked home from school one day with one of His friends. I heard about it and told my mother I wanted to walk to school. I am pretty sure it was a lost fight on my part. My mother telling me that one of these days my brother could possibly accompany me on the walk. I'm sure I dragged my feet to bed that evening. However the next morning I told my mother I would walk to the bus stop up the street to catch the bus - not sure if that is accurate but it is how I remember it. I did in fact walk to that bus stop but instead  of stopping and waiting with the other kids I continued on my way. I walked the route of the school bus. For me that is the only way I knew and I trusted it. However after a while I began to get tired and scared. I was beginning to think that walking to school had not been as wonderful as my brother had talked it up to be. I was approaching a turn off from the busy street where there was a house of an older couple I knew and loved. I just knew she would be home and she'd take me in and make me feel safe. I approached their front door and nobody answered. It was then that I began to cry. For I knew there was still a way to go until I got to school and I didn't have the ability to continue. My tired body was emotionally and physically exhausted. I prayed that somebody would find me and make it better. I didn't want to be alone and realized my mother was right; I was too young to walk to school without someone older. That knowledge made it all that much worse, and I felt horrible for being dishonest as well. My stomach was in knots and just when I felt as if nobody would ever find me a saw a school bus. Its driver approaching me asking me what my name was and if I was alright.

The bus drivers on other routes had been notified of the fact that I hadn't made it to school that morning. It is an experience I've always wanted to forget. I felt such relief when that driver found me and took me to school. But all the kids in my class had been questioned about my whereabouts and I felt foolish walking into the classroom that day.

I don't remember really ever talking about it much with my parents after that. But eventually I learned that the route my brother walked to get to school was not the one I had taken. On that day it was a shorter way and one that if I had been patient I would have been able to enjoy all that much more.

Isn't that how it is in our lives though? I got selfish and only saw the end in mind and that I wanted it then and now. I didn't want to wait and depend on someone else. So I did it myself and had to experience something I otherwise wouldn't have had to. I took my way instead of being patient. I also know that my Heavenly Father heard my simple prayer that day of forgiveness and asking for help. It is the same with anything else we go through in this life. Our prayers are heard and He will never abandon us. He knows the end from the beginning and we need to trust that. I know that at times it is hard to remember the simple things we know. But that experience is one that will forever be with me. It is truth that at times what we want isn't always how it should be, however we still have the opportunity to choose. I know that my Heavenly Father will be there always, even at the moments of darkness and shame. For a 6 year old that is all I felt that day, yet when I turned to Him, He provided a way! I love this gospel and I love the power of prayer. May we all take advantage of it! Surely Heaven is with us if we but give heed!